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All We Have is Now

 

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Hardcover edition

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Dark Sexy Funny: Poetry from the Mind of Erozeno

Edited by Sandra L. Jennings

From the Foreword:

This book will not help you lose weight
It will not cure your erectile dysfunction
It does not increase the size of your breasts

It will not cure your halitosis
It will not increase your disposable income
It does not offer a money-back guarantee

It will not rid your home of unwanted pests
It will not be available in stores or through an incredible TV offer
It does not cure your embarrassing dandruff flakes

It will not cure Ebola
It will not kill ISIS
It does not endorse any political candidate for office

This book will not keep frozen food fresh
It will not increase the amount of your red blood cells
It does not require refrigeration

It will not cut, slice, or dice
It will not cure your depression
It does not help you get a good night’s sleep

It will not cure your cold
It will not get rid of unwanted pet odors
It does not remove embarrassing acne and blemishes

It will not increase the length of your penis
It will not help you find your soul mate
It does not accept major credit cards

This book has no benefits
It has no side effects
Please do not ask your doctor about this book.

 

Erozeno’s Contribution to Psychiatric Medicine

The Dream

or

Erozeno’s Contribution to Psychiatric Medicine

Setting: Erozeno lies on a chaise lounge in the office of Doctor Eva B. Freud, Cognitive mis-Behavioral Specialist. He wears a Dead Kennedys concert T-shirt (Jello Biafra-era) and a beach towel around his waist. Clad only in black lace stockings and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle® headband, Doctor Freud sits in her office chair opposite Erozeno. Her legs are crossed as she takes notes. The music of Tom Waits (“Heartattack and Vine”) fills the background.

 

EROZENO

Am I crazy Doctor Freud?

 

DOCTOR EVA B. FREUD

Please tell me about your dreams.

 

EROZENO

I have only one.

 

DOCTOR EVA B. FREUD

I’d love for you to tell me about it.

 

EROZENO

Electromagnetic waves fill my body. My soul flies forward at the speed of light. Earth crashes and burns around me. Apocalyptic light blinds my vision. Searing heat chars my flesh, but somehow I am unharmed…

 

DOCTOR EVA B. FREUD

Please go on.

 

EROZENO

Redemption explodes around me. It’s within my grasp, but it always eludes me. I can sense it. I can see it, but I can’t touch it. I can’t feel it. I can’t embrace it.

 

DOCTOR EVA B. FREUD

(Laughs hysterically)

 

EROZENO

(Sits up) Why are you laughing? (Frantically) Am I crazy Doctor Freud?

 

DOCTOR EVA B. FREUD

(Uncrosses her legs, leans forward, and whispers in Erozeno’s ear) On the contrary, I think your dream is sexy…

 

© 2016, Erozeno

Warning Label

Reverend Erozeno?

It is with great pride and pleasure that I announce my ordination by the Church of the Latter Day Dude as a Dudeist Priest. I have practiced Zen Dudeism since 1998 as an ongoing search for the truth and the light.

Ordination is another step in my journey!

I am also available to perform weddings, religious ceremonies, etc.

Please do not hesitate to contact me at any time (online or offline).

Thank you all very much for your friendship and your kindness!

Wishing you all peace, love, and happiness…always!

“Just take it easy, man.”
http://dudeism.com/whatisdudeism/

Dudeist Church Sign

Certificate of Ordination